Co- parenting truths!!

Co- parenting truths!!

Who said co-parenting is easy ? Well mate they lied. 

Five or six months ago I was at a stage where I was tired of confrontation, arguments and being disrespected, as well as being disrespectful. This wasn't like me and I wanted to stay true to me but I was being pushed to my limit. I just wanted to pack mine and my son's stuff and leave. Move far away and cut everyone off.  But deep down at the back of my mind I was constantly conflicted with my hearts truth. I have always felt that it is unfair for mothers to stop father's from seeing their children regardless of the situation at hand and vice versa. I never knew how hard it would or could get.

So here I was sitting as my thoughts took me away, I began to cry tears of hopelessness. Yes i'm a big baby sometimes. I wrote a message expressing my tiredness of life and my desperate need for a healthy space to my group of girls. A few of my friends reached out to me and one in particular reminded me that Co- parenting will never be easy but we must always pray and ask God for the strength we need to keep trying, and that I should always do or say things in my sons best interest. She encouraged me to check all my motives and look behind my feelings to find the real issues.

This was key to remember because it is so easy to use children as weapons and pawns or messengers, later in life may grow up with low-self esteem, shut down emotionally and may need therapy. Statistics show that children who's parents split up and are constantly fighting, are 3x more likely to end up being expelled from school and live in poverty.

Co-parenting can be one of the hardest things for many different reasons for example, imagine having to talk to someone who makes you angry, who erupts emotions you never knew you had, who believes in different parenting strategies, who has caused you a great deal of pain, who has hurt or broken your heart or someone who just doesn't accept their parenting responsibilities.

Personally co-parenting felt like a constant battle, I desperately wanted things to change in my situation and be a happy family. I needed for my son to have the best start in life to ensure that he grows up with a strong foundation. I later found myself questioning all my motives behind all my decisions and I saw a lot of my actions was based on my feelings.

I actively put aside my ego and pride because I wanted to put my Jerry's happiness first. Here are my five most important things that help me achieving a healthy co- parenting environment.
(Not perfect but healthy)

1. Being respectful - Even when you don't want to be it is important to always treat each other with respect. Remembering that each person brings something to the table and showing respect can be as simple as listening to each other.

2. Same rules - When co-parenting it is important to work together when it comes to your child, by this I mean things like having the same set of rules with each parent. This will prevent confusion and create a consistent environment.

3. Communication-  Talking to each other about things relating to your child, for example if something is upsetting/ annoying you should verbalise how you feel to make sure everyone is on the same page.

4. Best interest of the child-  Keeping in mind "what does my child need, how do we give it to them"

5. Compromising- putting aside your feelings and wants for your child's sake. A lot of the time I find my myself "agreeing to disagree" and "keep it moving"

Lets all make sure that we are not the reason for our children not having a relationship with their other parent. Co-parenting can be hard work but it is always worth. There is so much more that I could go into but wanted to keep it short and sweet, hope you enjoyed the read.