Wednesday, 28 February 2018


Grab yourself a Cuppa and some Biscuits, lets begin !

I remember feeling super scared because I had missed my period. 3 days later I plucked up the courage to check. My heart skipped a beat, ten thousand beats in fact lol. The day I took my pregnancy test I remember crying as I left the shop. I knew, I just knew I had a very strong feeling. I was at my friends house who was about 8 months pregnant at the time. I confided in her and she listened to all my irrational thinking. She really convinced me to just take the test. One thing that she said that stuck with me was "we are all humans and you can never please everyone so just do you".
A lot of you reading might be wondering why I was so scared but the truth was, I felt like I had let my self down. I knew deep down God was disappointed in me. Another reason for my fear was I wasn't in a relationship with my sons dad. On top of that there was the disappointment of letting my sister (who basically raised me ) down. She had big dreams for me, the usual, go to uni, get married and move out. None of that went to plan.

Even though I knew I would cause great pain and hurt, I decided to tell me sister as she deserved to hear it from me. It was so funny because I sat with her and I said I have something serious to tell you about me. she started guessing and one of the first few things she said was "you're pregnant?".
Now, I don't think this was because she expected this from me but more so, I never really talk about me, not just with her but with anyone. Those that know me would know that I am super reserved.
My sisters reaction was nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be, she was upset but made sure that I knew whatever decision I made she would support me.
That night I watched a motivational speech because I began feeling really confused. I told my son's dad that day, hmmmmmm that did not go well haha. The motivational speech said "it's time to be selfish with your life, your time and chose to do things that makes you happy". That night I chose to listen to my heart, ignoring the many voices that were saying this, that and the other. Reality is, I lost a lot of friends and people really got angry with my decision. Nevertheless now I can say that I'm glad I listened to my heart.
I found out I was pregnant early, I had time to " change my mind " as they say.
I prayed a lot for a good couple weeks, asking God to give me a sign. No matter what people said or thought I was going to attend church and give GOD praise regardless, throughout my pregnancy as a church we was studying the book of JEREMIAH.

Over the next couple of weeks the most weirdest things happened to me.
I was walking home from a church service and a man walking next to me said to "smile because you have every reason to be happy. God is going to bless you with a bundle of joy". I was so baffled at the time, so I FORCED a smile and started walking super fast. Couple weeks later, I was queuing up in poundland when an older lady tapped me and said "you are going to be a great mother". This lady then put her item down and walked out of the poundland. I am an emotional person so I laughed then burst into tears .

Now this to me was no coincidence, it was nothing but God talking to me.
I know a lot of you reading this might not believe in God but this is my testimony.
Time began to creep up on me, I had a week left before my holiday to Turkey and I had to make a final decision.  Two friends of mine sent me the same video on the same day, within the same hour (keeping in mind both friends don't know each other or my situation). The video was of a surgeon who specializes in abortions. He explained the process of an abortion and why he quit his job, this was a powerful video. My heart broke, I was really emotional after watching the video but I knew what I had to do now.

I chose to keep my bundle of joy
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