"Living my best life"

Have you ever questioned what the statement "living my best life" really means. When you post a picture with that caption, does it show a true representation of your life? This is my real personal encounter with postnatal depression and my self love journey.

One night I was laying in the middle of the road consumed by negative thoughts, drowning in my tears, feeling sorry for myself but screaming for help. I felt like I was being chewed up from the inside, everything I was going through felt overwhelming and I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I remember about a year and a half ago I almost died. I was at such a bad place, in such a bad state and I didn't love myself and had hit rock bottom. I devoted all my energy, time and money to my "ships". Friendships, relationships, 'family-ships'. On reflection I  can see they simply didn't care about me at all and were not true "ships".

Don't get me wrong I'm still on my journey to recovery but I'm now at a place where I can openly talk about my "Post-natal Depression". Not because I have passed it, but because I have acknowledged the power of identifying and admitting to myself how I truly felt behind all my posted smiles, instead of pretending everything was fine.

As my counselling comes to an end we are reflecting on where I was and how far I have come. I wasn't eating or sleeping back then and I found it hard to get out of bed. Health professionals would come to me daily because some days I just couldn't move, wasn't attending my appointments and no-one could get through to me. One weekend I went through a traumatic event and I felt alone. I cried out for help on Snapchat and I remember my so called "friends" messaging me these exact words "stop being an attention seeker" and putting in-directs towards me on their stories. Their words pierced through my heart like a double edged sword. At that moment all I needed was a caring ear.

The effects of their words and attitudes towards me pushed me over the edge and without going into too much detail I was admitted into hospital. I say this as a message to anyone that's reading, "be kind to others as it costs you nothing and you never know what they're going through".

I had given away my power and happiness by neglecting my own needs and forgetting how to love myself. As I attended my first counselling session i remember she asked me " How much do you love yourself?" and it dawned on me that I didn't love me! My reply was I'm not sure but I knew the real answer. I actually despised myself for many reasons. I was seeking love from everywhere else and so I had found myself at a place of darkness and pain. I couldn't see why until that very moment!

After a few moments of suffocating silence, I realised it was time to start making a conscious effort to change something in me. I needed to recover. I craved for peace and happiness. This was my first step: Wanting to change! I now had someone looking up to me watching and copying my every move. It was important for me to be everything my parents wasn't for me as I grew up without them, so I know first hand how it feels. I just didn't want that for my son so it became my desire to become better.

4 Key points;

1. Being intentional about our thoughts and self talk, Create a support network. 

• I started by changing how I spoke to myself. This mindset shift made me aware of what I was saying to myself when I felt like a failure, when I looked a hot  mess, when I didn't want to get up. Changing my thinking from negative to positive was the hardest part of my journey. To prevent me from giving up I realised I needed support, I reached out to my support network (My adoptive Nan, my Counsellor, Auntie L). I watched motivational videos and I began to read empowering books ( I will list a few in my book collection). I attended Anna Garcia's intensive relationship courses and I also changed the type of music I listened to when I was feeling low. Trust me music is powerful.

2. Focus on what we want to achieve now and pray about it, Create peace of mind.

• When all the above was not possible I started meditation at home. Clearing my mind was needed, overpowering my inner voice with silence. This was the peace of mind I longed for. On my 22nd birthday I stopped calling my self old lol (I know right but I genuinely felt old). Me calling my self old was not because I was old in age but actually because I wasn't achieving my dreams and fulfilling my purpose. I set my goals and targets starting of with small things for example; getting out of bed everyday, cooking my favourite dishes, going for walks etc. It gradually moved on to long term goals as I felt better, for example; going back to work, starting my driving lessons, moving houses etc. I would pray over my goals and dreams whilst being proactive.This helped me to stay busy whilst being connected with God.

3. Do what you love most, Create your happiness.

• Oh my oh my, this right hear is gold to my ears! Taking time out of life just to recharge, refocus and appreciate your self is vital. I was a fairly new mother but for my own sanity and well being I started having 'Me time' daily. After giving birth my body changed and I hated how I looked. This was a huge factor in my postnatal depression so I signed up to the gym. I went 5 days a week with out fail, no more neglecting my body. I loved working out this was my pamper time. I worked out because I wanted to become stronger on the out side and feel good on the inside. When we exercise our body releases a hormone called endorphins. This interacts with our brain and reduces our perception of pain. No wonder! I found this out a bit later but after each work out I was full of energy. In addition to this I adjusted my diet adding more fresh fruit and vegetables ( this was expensive but worth it). I begun to see a drastic change in my mood I was real happy, this was the happiness I was longing.

4. Be selfish with your time , Create the best you.

• Evaluating became an important part of my life because I realised that the people I had around me was having an impact on my mentality. We should be careful of who and what we give emotional access to because who we open up to ultimately can have power over us and power in the wrong hands can be destructive. People don't always show you there true intentions and sometimes its people we love the most, that are jealous and unsupporting.  As the scripture says "Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life." Proverbs 4:23

Someone once told me self love is not the destination but its the practice so lets practice loving thy self more each day. Its a journey that has no ending. Back to my title "Living my best life" is loving my self for who I am and appreciating the good and the bad, finding my purpose and achieving my dreams. Putting me first as you can't pour from an empty cup.  If you ever feel like how I felt, your not alone and it does and will get better, keep pushing. I am always here and I love you, most importantly God loves you.

Lets get creative!

LETS GET CREATIVE!
SPLISH SPLASH SPLOSH !

I love when I get the opportunity to get creative, do you ?

Being an adult can get boring, repetitive, full of routine and lots of busy days. So I look forward to the times when me and my son get creative and messy. We have lots of fun and I get to engage and play with him with no distractions. Giving us the opportunity to strengthen our bond.

 I've been attending this 14 weeks parenting course where I have learnt so much and I feel the need to share. I have begun to see why it is so important that I give my son my full attention a couple hours a day. YES! I said it full attention. Undivided attention. No phones! No TV! Just me and him and our imagination. Since doing this I have seen a big improvement in my sons overall behaviour and tantrums (early terrible two's I call it ha ha).

On days when me and my son are home he tends to be full of so much energy and so I get creative and start pulling stuff out. I have selected 5 activities that I will be sharing in this blog. These five activities I've selected, I would say, Jerry and I both really enjoy. They're simple, cheap and cheerful, don't  necessarily require you to go out and buy things but instead are normally things from around the house, in draws or kitchen cupboards.

Activity number one: Making your own coloured play dough!

• What you will need;
• 2 cups of flour 
• 1 cup of salt
• 1 cup of warm water
• 2 tablespoons of oil
• 4 teaspoons of cream of tartar (optional)
• food colouring
• mixing bowl
• wooden spoon

How to make your dough.

Pour the dry ingredients ( flour, salt, cream tartar) into mixing bowl. Mix together with wooden spoon, then add the oil. Gradually add the warm water to the mixture and continue to stir. It will begin to thicken this is normal. Finally add your food colouring and knead your dough till it is a smooth/ firm texture ( It is similar to making dumplings or bread).

What can my child learn from it?

Playing with play dough allows your child to develop their motor skills as they strengthen their muscles in their hands. They also learn new language as you explore words such as "rolling" and "streching" "kneading". children always have real fun with play dough. 

Activity number two: Bottle shakers !

• 
  
• What you will need;
• Clean empty plastic bottles with lids x3
• Water
• Rice
• Glitter
• Foil
• Food colouring
• Beads or hair beads

How to make your shaker.

For bottle number one fill it half way with water and add your rice, glitter and food colouring. Place lid

on and shake all the ingredients together so its mixed well. Finally apply sellotape around the ring to ensure it is secure. For bottle number two get the tin foil and rip into square chunks or long strips , place into the bottle and apply the lid. Finally add your sellotape around the ring. For your third bottle fill it up with beads or hair beads and place the lid on and make sure its secure with applying tape around ring again.

What can my child learn from it?

Your child will enjoy this as the rice creates noise and the glitter creates beautiful movements. The tin foil will reflect slow movement and whilst reflecting light from around their surroundings. The beads creates sounds and music. All the above shakes are great stimulation and helps them to develop their motor skills and learn colours.

Activity number three: cupcakes!

What you need

• Cupcake tins
• Mixing bowl
• Spoon
• 2 Medium eggs
• 110 g of plain flour
• 110 g butter softened
• 110 g caster sugar 
• 2 tbsp baking powder
• 1/4 tsp salt
• 1 tsp vanilla extract

How to make your cup cakes with your children 

First preheat your oven to 180 C/ Gas 4. Line your muffin tin with cases. Next put your butter sugar into a bowl and beat it until its smooth (I used my hand mixer to speed things up). sift your flour, baking powder and salt into the bowl too. Beat your egg and vanilla together with the mixture until combined. Finally spoon the mixture into your cases. bake for 20 minutes . Check its cooked inside by placing a knife through the middle, if the mixture does not sticks to the knife then its ready. leave to cool for 10 minutes. Serve with warm custard :).

What can my child learn?

Most children can take away different things, it all depend on there age and abilities

Activity number four: Shaving foam and alphabets!

What you will need .

• Shaving foam
• Foam alphabets or Magnet letters
• Bath toys (alternatives)
• Tray

How to do activity

My self and Jerry love this activity, it really allows us to get messy. If your like me, and are a bit of a

clean freak. First I would create a space where you and your child can be free. Next fill your tray with shaving foam and put in your alphabet letters/ magnets or any bath toys in.

                            what your child can gain from it.

Your child will then go on a little hunt find the toys or alphabets, whilst exploring the different texture in their hands. You will be surprised but this can keep them busy having fun for a while. 

5 bouncy rice balloons !  

What you will need.

• Balloon 
• rice
• elastic band (optional)

How to make 

This one is a real quick and simple one, but so much fun. Place the rice into the balloon before blowing
it up, after that's complete blow it up and tie a knot.

What can my child learn from it ?

All the above activities are suitable for toddlers but pick the ones that best suit your child's interest and abilities. Hope you have lots of fun and enjoy "lets get creative" as much as I do. 

OUR TRIP TO THE FARM

Do you love to have fun? I know I do!
Come to think of it we all do, each and every one of us, be it; babies, toddlers, children, teens or even us adults. 
                           


As you can guess by my tittle today's blog is about our trip to the farm. Originally, the plan was to go to the beach with our play mates but the weather wasn't looking so promising (thank you London weather). Instead, we all decided to take a trip to Vauxhall city farm.
Now as you can imagine, this was a rare occasion for us busy Londoners to be able to take a trip to a farm and get to see, touch and hear animals sounds in real life. WOW! How amazing would it be if this was the norm?

Although, this was rare to us I must say we all had a spectacular time and it turned out to be such a beautiful day, packed with lots of fun and thrilling moments . Jerry and his play mate are both at that age where they are curious about animals and learning their sounds. This was a brilliant trip as he loved seeing all the animals especially the ducks and chickens. He loved hearing the cows mooing, sheep's baaaaaaaaaing (haha) and hearing him repeat the animals sounds was super adorable.

The farm really captured Jerry's full attention as we all made our way around. This trip was eye opening because I realised how much a toddler or child can learn from just visiting the farm. At ages 1-2 I feel that toddlers are not just learning animals and sounds, they are actually taking away so much more from the experience. For example, they can learn where the food that they eat comes from; chickens lay eggs  and cows produce milk. As they get older they will start to make the connections between farm animals and the food chain, helping them to appreciate food more. In addition, the children can learn how to care for animals.

If any of you are like me and are not so fortunate enough to get your child/ children a pet. Visiting a farm can give them that opportunity to interact with animals by; feeding, grooming or just stroking an animal. These are all incredible opportunities to equip your child with different skills. Both Jerry and his mate were so lucky because they both got to watch a closeup of a few girls horse riding in the fields. They loved it I was actually more scared than them.

My son has been scared of nearly every animal since birth so I was so proud of how well he handled seeing all the animals. You should have been there to see the look of pure joy and excitement on his face which made me smile. As we went around the farm, he would point to animals making his best impression of their sounds, sometimes trying to call them by their names. Jerry touched and stroked Cheddar the guinea pig with some encouragement this was one of his biggest achievements of the day.

This is a must guy! I would highly suggest that whether you are a; Mummy, Aunty, Daddy, Uncle, Grandparent, Cousin or even Godparent, that you take your toddlers/children to your local farm. If you can't find one in your area why not visit Vauxhall city farm? It's free admissions and its not to busy or packed. Taking your child to the farm will definitely aid their intellectual development and would also strengthen your bond by the quality time spent together. When we got home my son was so pumped about the animals, he was yelling animal sound around the house all week long! Haha precious!

Dear Jeremiah

Dear Jeremiah,

Did you know you used to live in my tummy? I was only 21 when you were born but oh how you've changed my life already. I'ts been a year and a half and what joy you've brought to my world. You've turned me into such a strong woman who is now more focused than ever. Focused on creating a better life for you and me, a life where you can achieve all your dreams and prosper. A life full of happiness and cherished memories together.

Could anything prepare me for motherhood? After carrying you for nine months, there you were. Later that night in the hospital I stared at you in your cot. You looked so beautiful and calm as you slept. I often day dreamed of the future and how great you will be. My greatest heart's desire is to be nothing less than to be a good mother to you. I want you to know that sometimes it gets hard but I will never, stop striving to doing my best or ever stop loving you.

Do you know why I love you? As soon as you came into my life you've showed me the true meaning of unconditional love. Love that is freely given, regardless of situations and feelings. I remember when you had just turned 1yr and about 3 months, you threw my special money jar across the room then, ran around giggling. I was so annoyed and how you managed to reach it, I still have no clue. I sat there and couldn't help but stare because my heart was full of joy despite being really upset with you. Hearing the sound of your giggle softened my heart to the point where I could no longer be upset with you.

It was at that point that I realised how much your happiness means to me.

I love you, because you give me purpose. I love you, because your smile is infectious and your laugh makes my heart dance. I love how you pat my back whilst i'm hugging you, you make me feel so warm and snuggly. I love your sweet smell. I love you, because you've given me so much to live for. I love you because on a bad day you make everything so much more bearable. I love you because

Seeing you run around the house gives me energy when it's time for nappy/clothes change and you decide it's time to play 'catch me if you can'.

I love how excited you get when you see a ball.

All these things and many more make's you unique and this is why I truly love you!

I remember when you first called me "mumma" I nearly cried but when you called me "mummiee" I turned my head in shock and disbelief. Oh, how you've grown up so fast. I need you to stay small forever but I know that's not possible. So you've got my permission to grow up, just not too fast.

Love you forever and always

MUMMY.X

Special Blessing

Hakuna Matata - it means no worries for the rest of your days 

On the 11th of February 2017 I decided to get my son blessed by God. This was an amazing day in which I made the conscious decision to raise my son to love God. However a couple months before this my son had his naming ceremony. This is a more cultural thing rather than a religious thing, but I believe that names are very important and so my son needed to have names that have positive connotations and also a powerful meaning behind it. My son's full name means; May Jehovah exalt, Jehovah has healed & God is great. When my bubba grows up I hope he remembers the meanings of his names, which both myself, his dad and grandma chose.


On his dedication day I welcomed him into our church community. The family and I celebrated this day as it was a very important day for us all. I have been asked on several occasions as to why I chose to have a baby dedication and so in this blog post I will be sharing a few of my personal reasons why.

One of my reasons was I just really wanted to thank God for the precious gift of life and for bringing my son safely into this world without complications of any sort.

Another one of my reasons were blessings, I wanted God to bless his life and place an extra blessing over his life, for favour, protection and mercy.

What also made me want to have a dedication was the commitment which had to be made by myself and all his family at attendance, to commit to raising him up to the best of our ability in the church, Gods love and his word.

I loved the dedication as my church family also made a commitment to help or step in if or where necessary. This reminded me of all the support I have, as it really does take a village to raise a child. I am Seventh Day Adventist (S.D.A) and our baby dedication is different from christening as my son was not baptised or sprinkled with water. I feel that the decision to get baptised should be up to my child when he feels of age and is conscious of his decision. After the commitment made by the family and church community my little bundle of joy was anointed with oil and prayed for by the pastor and congregation.

Jeremiah 1:5

"Before I formed thee in the womb I knew you; 

Before you were born I sanctified you;

 I ordained you a prophet to the nations."

I AM A MOTHER... NOW WHAT??

What an awesome way to start this new month !

I am so excited to share my reality about motherhood so brace yourself for lots of my juicy truths.The first instants of motherhood was such a weird experience. Let's say my first night at home with my son was overwhelming. Actually I think the word I am looking for is NIGHTMARE! The first week will fly by but expect constant visitors and a forever crying bubba.

I was the anxious type of mother, always thinking i'm doing it all wrong. I must admit the first couple of weeks hit me like someone threw a brick at me. No way on earth would I say I expected anything that happened. Okay! yeah you're warned by other mums about the sleepless nights and the long days but regardless of these warnings, you just don't expect whats coming. You will convince yourself your ready for both the good and bad but the 3am wake ups is when you will question your whole life. My son would wake up every 2-3 hours for a feed and by the time I'd close my eyes, yup! hes awake again.

I would try to get through each day but found my self constantly asking questions, feeling exhausted and confused. Like why wont he stop crying? Did he get enough milk? Does his bum need changing?Something must be wrong! Getting to know what each of his cries meant was tough. This was an intense period because your the sole provider for your baby which needs around the clock care, attention and love.

How I manage to learn what each cry meant and sounded like was by monitoring when exactly he would cry. For example, if I would feed him and 5 minutes later he cried I would assume that its not because he is hungry. Also I would identify the reason behind his crying by the pitch, tone, the length and sometimes the time. This all sounds so technical but this was the most important stage for me because it prevented me from losing my sanity.

On days I felt like giving up (everyday LOL) I would reach out to my support network. Thankfully I had an amazing support network who would always come to save the day! They were so encouraging towards me, comforting me with their words and letting me know that I was doing a fab job.

Surprisingly this actually helped me relax a bit and I would gain the confidence I once had. I slowly began to enjoy each day without feeling the need to rush through the day. Having extra support allowed me to breathe and also helped me let out my emotions and inner feelings. When they offered to help I would solely use this time for "me"; taking a shower, or going for a skate, just doing things I loved. Lots of people disagreed with this but as the saying goes " you can't look after someone else if your all worn out" and so the time to recuperate is essential.

With each day there will be good times and bad times, but through the bad times is when you really have to be intentional about your thoughts. The first couple of weeks you may feel as if you are an emotional wreck and there may be the temptation to compare yourself to other mums. Comparing yourself to others will give you a false reality of motherhood as every parent will struggle with different things, so focusing on your own motherhood journey is vital.

For me concentrating on all the positive and the small things really helped me. I started a journal writing all the positive things that happened in my day with my son. I logged all his first's; his first giggle, the first time he lifted his head, his first roll over and his first tooth. This helped me enjoy each moment and stay away from comparing my self as well as my son.

Time fly's by so quick, your baby will go from sitting up, to crawling on their own, then walking, talking and running. Maybe not in that exact order but something like that. so enjoy each moment and remember it does get better.

Here are six  things I took for granted before motherhood

1. Sleeping. Now i'm a mother even when i'm tired, it is quiet rare I get to sleep when I actually want to and taking midday naps no longer exists.

2. Socialising. Going out, be it with friends or family, even if it's for a walk or trip to the shops. Honestly, now it is mission impossible haha. No! OKAY but forreal  You have to make sure your baby bag is pack, his nappy is changed, he's eaten and the list goes on... this is all before we leave.

3. Having my own space. "personal space" shall I say. Me just being able to sit and read a book or enjoy my silence and get lost in my thoughts. I really miss this now but this is non-existent. No such thing haha. My son will constantly want my attention and yes I love this but we all need our space. Trust me when I say he's all up in my grill! Sometimes I literally can't breath as I'm quite an introvert but I've just had to adjust.

4. Long Baths. As funny as this sounds I miss bathing, now I can barely be in the bath for 5 minutes before he comes running in calling "mumma mumma" or trying to climb into my bath.

5. Organised house. I have come to the realisation that my place will 99.9% of the time be messy. As soon as you put the toys away he instantly pulls them out again. Before my son started walking it wasn't so bad but now there's no stopping him.

6. Memory on my phone.Yes, this one I DEFINITELY miss, whenever I am trying to download a new app or get a new song on my phone and the no storage sign pops up. I literally would cry because I already know its the 2,000 photos I have of my son on my phone.

SAY CHEESE...

Hello beautiful people!

I am grateful and pleased with the overall response my blog has been given, it has been so well received. So thank you all for reading, commenting and sharing. Before I end my pregnancy journey blogs and move on to my motherhood blogs, I wanted to share some photos from my pregnancy shoot.

I was around 34 weeks pregnant and I felt heavy and completely uncomfortable. My mood was not always great. I think this was because I was constantly feeling tired from getting up super early for work and doing long days. I really did not want to do a photo shoot as I just was not feeling it and felt quite insecure in my skin and body. But we thank God for one of my best friends Shaniel. She was not taking no for an answer and insisted I do my pregnancy shoot.

Eventually the day of my photo shoot came and I was actually excited but nervous at the same time. I am not photogenic at all and very camera shy, so didn't really know what to expect. I wanted an out door (sort of natural looking style) rather than indoor staged photos. So we went to a park called the Italian water gardens, it was close to Lancaster Station. 

During the week it was raining, however on the day of my photo shoot I was quiet lucky as the sun came out, the sky was clear and it was a truly magical experience. Looking back, I am so glad I did the shoot as I really enjoyed myself. I did not feel ugly and I had an amazing photographer Joshua Roberts who made the whole experience enjoyable. He made me laugh, smile and still managed to capture it all. 

Here is my list of the top 10 locations in London of where you could have your outdoor pregnancy photo shoot. I have also included some features that make these places the perfect location for a pregnancy shoot:

1. Itailian water garden - Lake, swans and outdoor gazebos.

2. Valentines park- Lake, green areas and flower bed.

3. Hyde park- Meadows, boats, princess Diana's memory fountain, flower gardens.

4. St James park -Surround by 3 royal palaces, lake, pelicans birds, green area. 

5. Queen Elizabeth park- Sand, flower garden.

6. Battersea park- Zoo, peace pagoda, lake, boats, flower garden.

7. Victoria park- Historic artifacts, Fragment of the old London bridge and festivals.

8. Regent park- Dazzling rose garden. 

9. Queen Victoria park- Outdoor pool, river themes view.

10. West ham park- Large fields, beautiful trees and flower bed areas.

Below are photos from my shoot.
Thank you for reading see you next Thursday .X

            

Strength

This week has been quiet challenging for me and so I really did not feel like typing and editing on Thursday. Instead I felt the need to continue to focus on feeding my soul and reflecting on my life.
Something that has really helped me get through the week has been journaling my prayers and music meditation. Here is one of my journaled prayer , Hope this will help someone too.

Dear lord it has been such a hectic week for me but I thank you for getting me through the week. Thank you for your endless love, grace and protection. I thank you for providing food,water and shelter for me, I am truly grateful. 

Your word says; 

 " But those who hope in the lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

Isaiah 40:31 NIV

So I come to you to ask for strength and wisdom to get through life's challenges. Help me to chose my battles carefully. Help me to be the best mother I can be, teach me to discipline not with frustration but with love. Help me to have the patience I need but to also have a joyful heart. Enjoying each day I spend with my son. Create a bond that may never be broken.

I pray that he will grow up to be a respectable, kind, loving and considerate young man.

Thank you again for blessing me with my precious gift.

Amen.

Joyous occasion

My Baby Shower

This was such an amazing day for me because not only was I expecting and nearly due, it also provided me with the opportunity to spend time and catch up with my friends and family. My social life was practically non-existent up to this point due to the pattern I adopted; Work, Home, Sleep and repeat.

However, this day, this day guys, I'm telling you, will be remembered FOREVER! The love was real yall! It was a day filled with fun, laughter and my (unborn) little bundle of joy was showered with gifts and there was FOOD (obviously) because of the cravings tho !

Seeing all my primary school and secondary school friends at my shower, most of whom I had not seen in a while made the day extra unforgettable and special. I was so emosh! dam near brought tears to my eyes.Yep it did. Apart from the hormones ( from being preggers),

I was also feeling quiet down about life due to being stressed and tired, and did I say stressed ? the stress mayn! So seeing all my family and friends come together, celebrate and have an amazing time lifted my mood.

The theme of my shower was quite simple as I and everyone else knew I was having a boy, most of my decorations were blue and white (society rules), the decorations and displays were just gorgeous and totally adorable!

We used my sisters back garden and my friends old marquee because the weather was pretty unpredictable (London weather). Praise Jesus! The rain was held back, the wind was bearable and the sun was shining.

We played loads of games, for the majority of the games everyone got into two teams or pairs. Here are a few of the games we played and I would recommend;

*Making a diaper out of tissue- Guests got to get creative... Racing against the timer to create a well made, comfy and strong but unique diaper. The pair or group with the most votes wins.

*Guess the size of mummy's bump- Guests guess how big my bump was using some string which they cut. The string closest to the size of mums bump wins.

*Heads up- Everyone picks a subject e.g baby items...One person places the phone on their forehead they cannot look at whats on the screen. They have to guess whats on the screen whilst your other team mates are shouting out clues. The person holding the phone can then tilt the phone down if guessed right and tilt up to pass...but there is a catch your being timed. Most points wins. (kinder like sharades)

*Drinking out of a baby bottle-  Depending on how many bottles you have the guest had to drink either juice/milk, its your choice! but out of baby bottles and who ever finished their bottle first wins.

*POP- Two people have to work together to pop the balloon in between their stomachs.

My favourite game was pop even though I couldn't participate, watching everyone was so hilarious. The winners were given some great prizes, the food was yummy, it was an all round blessed day and a real reminder that I'm to blessed to be stressed.

My advise to expectant mothers would be to not go over board with baby shopping, especially buying a lot of baby clothes. As this tends to be what most people get you for your shower. You may not have planned one for yourself but you may have a surprise baby shower so still don't go over board. Unknown to me I had two surprise baby showers. One at work and one with a few of my fellow church friends, so three in total. I'm blessed.

A special thank you to everyone that helped organise, plan and surprise me with each baby shower. Thank you to all my amazing friends and family that joined me to celebrate and enjoy the day & for your very generous gifts.

Here is a short video showing my planned baby shower xxx

Excess Baggage!

This one’s for the Mummas, Mummas... I’m sorry Ms Jackson... I am for realllllll... Never meant to NOT pack my bag.. ooooooooo !!!

Comment below if you get the reference above LOL

After reflecting on my pregnancy journey you can understand when I say I really left the packing of my maternity bag to the last minute. I remember dashing around Westfield; running around Boots and Primark, well tryingggg to run, just to make sure I had everything I needed. Honestly, packing my hospital bag was very overwhelming, of course me waiting to the last minute to shop was counterproductive. It looked like I was going on vacation lol, my bag was so big, I’m sure it could have passed for a suitcase. If I could press rewind I would definitely avoid packing too much because finding what I needed,  when I needed it, was a mission.

How can you be smart and avoid this mistake?

I suggest packing earlier than you think you should  and with the help of a friend, your partner or even a family member. This will give you more time and as the saying goes “many hands make light work”. It should then, not be as overwhelming and your helper can also assist you to identify when you are going overboard with packing your hospital bag.

Alternatively, you can slowly place a few new items into your bag with each passing day or week. For those who read my special delivery blog post, you already know that I would suggest that your bag be packed by the 7th month of your pregnancy journey. I packed for myself, my baby and my birthing partner. Ensuring I had enough stuff for during labour and after labour.

Packing your hospital bag is all about striking a balance with everything. Keep in mind that you may need to pack a few extras, unless you have someone who can collect a few bits from your home and drop them to you. Me, for example, I struggled with breastfeeding, it was a real challenge getting him to latch on to my nipple and so I had to stay in the hospital for longer than planned. I also was a young mum who they felt needed extra support with my baby (this is never a bad thing, I was glad for the extra support).  

Today's blog is about what I would suggest are the essentials you need in your bag:

15 Items for Mumma bear!

1. Maternity notes.
2. Maternity pads x60 (2 packets) keep some at home for your return.
3. Black underwear x12.
4. Warm socks I don't know but my feet were freezing after birth x5.
5. Maternity bras/ nursing bras/ sports bras x3.
6. Breast pads if your planning to breastfeed x20-30.
7. Nightie or nursing PJ (breast feeding accessibility if needed).
8. Towel.
9. Dressing gown.
10. Slippers and shower flip flops.
11. Wash rag/ flannel.
12. Maternity swimwear ( for water birth)
13. Toiletries- toothbrush, toothpaste, shower gel, cream, deodorant, hair brush, hair band.
14. Car seat.
15. Loose and comfortable clothing to go home in.

10 Items for baby bear!

1. Baby hat.
2. 30 nappies. (1 packet)
3. Baby towel.
4. Baby socks.
5. Baby blanket.
6. Baby vest x7.
7. Baby grows x5.
8. Baby bibs/ or muslings x3.
9. Cotton wool pads/ newborn wipes (unscented).
10. Baby formula and baby bottle (in case breast feeding does not go to plan).

5 Item for your birthing partner!

1. PJ.
2. Toothbrush.
3. Underwear.
4. Towel.
5. Slippers/ flip flops.

10 Entertainment / snacks!

1. Water.
2. Crisps.
3. Energy drinks.
4. Water based fruits ( watermelon, grapes)
5. Camera.
6. Chargers.
7. Book/ kindle.
8. Phone/ Tablet.
9. Music- phone/ tablet/ i-pod and portable speaker.
10. Cash for car park /bank card

Roller Coaster

What a holiday!

I need to keep things real with you guys so lets rewind back to when I was pregnant. The memories of being pregnant are somewhat mixed between joy, fear, happiness, tears and definitely excitement. Ohhhhh I forgot to mention Sickness!

I remember going on a family holiday just after I had found out I was pregnant. I was so excited because I had not been abroad in years and this was my first time visiting Turkey. On my arrival to Turkey I was mesmerised by the views. We stayed in a city called Antalya, every hotel I passed looked like a royal palace. It was beautiful, the people were very warm and friendly, the air was so fresh and clean. Unbeknown to me, my excited bubble would be popped by this “wonderful” thing called morning sickness.

Now please can you help me by telling me who had the bright idea to name it “morning sickness”. Me? I have no idea whatsoever, all I know is that there’s definitely nothing morning about it. I was sick morning, afternoon, evening and night. I was constantly nauseous!

If you know me, I am all for being positive and staying positive but let me be honest and say positivity was not cutting it for me. Picture positivity here...and on the other side of the spectrum far, far, far, away was me at this stage. I was either lying on the floor of my hotel bathroom or puking in my bedside bins.

I had reached a point where I could not eat or drink anything whist on holiday. This negatively affected my holiday experience as a whole because all I could physically do was sunbathe. I felt absolutely terrible but I still had to put on a brave face, smile and pretend to the world that I was 100% okay. Bet you are wondering why I had to pretend... well, this was in the early stages of my pregnancy, let's say a couple of weeks so I was trying my hardest to keep it hush hush. I guess I did a good job even though I probably came across a tad bit grumpy or boring to my family/friends on holiday.

If you are pregnant right now you might be able to relate to my experience. If you know someone that is pregnant you’ve probably experienced the heat of their fiery words and emotional tantrums as well as their weird cravings. So thankfully upon my return to the UK my doctor had a life saving solution. He prescribed me anti-sickness tablets and signed me off from work for a week.

Bet some of you thought “ohhh what great news” but as some of you already know I struggle to swallow tablets. I struggled to keep them down but after day 4 of taking these sickness tablets. I felt better and so I stopped taking them.

5 things I wish I knew whilst on holiday;

1. Avoid strong smells- perfumes, cleaning products, cooking of foods. When you are pregnant your nose becomes your enemy so try to stay away from smells which trigger you to feel nauseous.

2. Find ginger - Raw ginger, ginger sweets, ginger tea...Everything and anything ginger. When back in London a friend suggested I try out these ginger sweets. I did and they were magic. I purchased mine from Holland and Barretts.

3. Eat water based fruits- watermelon, grapes, pineapple. I struggled with drinking water so it was very important for me to eat water based fruits.

4. Ice- chewing on ice chunks, crushed ice and slush puppies. Slush puppies are not the healthiest option but it help me. After work, without fail I would rush to Joe Delucci's in Westfield and order myself a large slush-puppie and I would instantly feel better.

5. Eat little but often- I mean very little even if its a few bites of some dry bread or crackers. It is better than nothing and believe it or not an empty stomach can make it worse because of the acid that builds up in your stomach.

But remember morning sickness is never the same for everyone. I would love to encourage those currently going through "morning sickness" to remember just like labour the pain does go away [Check out my blog post Special Delivery, if you haven’t already]. Before you know it, you will be holding your cutie pie.

To our supporting friends and family please don't judge our weird habits, unique craving and nauseousness.

Special Delivery

"Sometimes happiness is a feeling sometimes happiness is a decision" 
-unknown 

My happiness started with a decision! 

I went into labour Saturday night but I was not even sure if I was in labour. I suddenly screamed "ouch" what's that? to my mate, she was like your probably in labour. So I called the hospital they said that I should time my contraction and come in if the pain gets unbearable. So I went into hospital around 4am and the midwife wanted to give me strong painkillers. I told the midwife I could not swallow tablets, but she insisted I tried. So I attempted to swallow the 2 tablets. Oh guess what happened, I instantly vomited everywhere, even on my midwife. So yes I felt sorry for her but I did say. My midwife started gagging and ran out of the room and puked. She said "I can handle blood, but I can't handle puke" LOL (Laugh Out Loud).

Next my cervix was measured and this was soooo painful. My cervix was 1cm dilated and I needed to be 4cm dilated to stay in the hospital's birthing ward, so I was sent home. Sunday at around 12pm I woke up and I literally felt as if I was dying. I called my sons dad but he was at work, I called my aunt who was my other birth partner and she was travelling out of London. I thought to myself "What!!! ooh no this could not be happening". But she told me not to worry, said she'll turn back and come to pick me up.  We got to the hospital at about 4pm my aunt was very fast but at this point I was only 3cm dilated. I was in agony climbing up walls (not literally), the pain was so severe words really can't describe the feeling. The midwife suggested to either go home to rest or go for a long walk. 

OHH MY GOSH !

For real guys,I could barely stand up. But regardless I was told by my midwife and my aunt that I was handling the pain very well. Come to think of it, compared to other mums, I couldn't disagree because there were a few other women in labour and they were screaming and crying, I felt their pain. 

Long story short my aunt and I decided to go home. On the way out of Homerton hospital we bumped into these five ladies (church Aunties I would say). They were dressed in all white from head to toe. The ladies were asking me questions but I was definitely on another planet, so my aunt was replying for me. We did not even know them but they wanted to pray for me. I found this so cute. 

Considering we both believed in God my aunt said "yeah sure". Now they all gathered around me, laying their hands on me. Keep in mind this was right at the hospital exit. 

When I tell you, I jumped out of my skin LOL. The ladies shouted at the top of their lungs "in the name of Jesus this girl will give birth today! Her water will break today! She will have a safe delivery today! She will deliver a healthy baby today!" The other four ladies kept repeating "Amen, Amen, Amen!" in agreement. This was an incredible experience, everyone was just staring at me. I then said thanks and after that the wonderful, loving ladies disappeared. Like all of them gone, not behind me, not in front of me, nowhere to be found. 

My aunt left me to go bring the car round. I sat in the hospital Costa and waited and  KID YOU NOT! A couple moments later my water broke. A man next to me started busting up laughing. I was sooo embarrassed, another man asked me if he should go get my aunt who just walked out. My aunt came rushing back with a wheelchair she grabbed by the entrance. Best believe I slid out of the chair, it made me feel sick. As I stood up the same guy, started cracking up. He was really annoying but personally looking back, I do not think he was mentally okay.

Moving on, I get back up to the delivery suite and they finally let me stay as I was 4cm now. As soon as my midwife came in I asked for the gas and air, I remember inhaling it deeply till I passed out (this may be in my head but after each inhale I blacked out and was laughing). The gas and air was the best thing ever, it got rid of my pain instantly. About six minutes later I began screaming "I need to push, I need to push" the midwife was like no, no, not yet your only 4cm. She began to set the water as I had planned to have a water birth. 

Then his dad walks in, he walked across to my bed side that was free but he stopped "Oh wow, "I can see his hair" was his first words. The midwife said "WHAT! okay Britney slow down your going to fast". Man she was lovely but right then and there I wanted to slap her LOOOOOOL. With three pushes he came out. They put him on me and I cried get him of me. Honestly I don't remember why but Jeremiah was probably like "why is she sending me away? I'll show her" LOL. Guys he urinated on me. But after he was all cleaned up, I could not put him down.

I can truly say I experienced true happiness.This was my labour story. At the time I definitely didn't see the humour but now I can laugh. 

Three tips I would leave with expectant mothers are:

1. Make sure your hospital bag is packed by at least your 7th month of pregnancy (no harm in being early).

2. Stay local to your hospital area, nearer the end

3. Always go with your instincts, no body knows your body like you do.